How to reflect and create change in your life

Let me begin by sharing that I wrote the concept of what you are about to read almost two years ago! But I still felt this knowledge and these tools can be very helpful! So to make my original long intro a bit shorter, I want to catch you up to speed and state that I really like TOMS - the shoes.

Ever since I can remember, I have probably worn my TOMS most of the time without socks. If you have ever worn any shoe without socks, you may already know where I am heading with this… my feet stink! It is also very unsanitary and terrible for foot health, but we won’t go there today. One day, I was sitting with my now fiance, and I took off my shoes and sat cross-legged as usual. I could not help but instantly become embarrassed as I got the first scent of my feet. Thankfully, his nose is often stuffed up! (Allergies…)

Scene from Mean Girls (2004)

A long time ago, I bought no-show socks in bulk, for the purpose of wearing them with my shoes. But, did I ever wear them? No… However, shortly after my embarrassing moment, I woke up the next morning in one of those moods where you say to yourself “enough is enough, and it is time for change”! Which is what brought me to write about this. Sometimes, starting change simply means putting on the darn socks!

How often do we reflect on the way situations could go better? How can it be improved? When we recognize a change that could be beneficial, how active are we in initiating it? Or even better, sticking with the change once it’s made? Maybe some of these questions feel uncomfortable to read as you think on how this could apply to your life. Since I choose to be honest, I can say I fall short of this in areas of my life too.

When we get so caught up in talking about the problem, or rather complaining about it, we are not respecting our capabilities to resolve it. Have you complained to a family member or friend and the first response you hear is a suggestion on how to fix it? As humans, we have this natural tendency to want to help others, or to “fix it”. However, if we take a moment to reflect for ourselves, we are empowering the little inner voice that says “I can do this”!

So, let me talk about the steps we can take to encourage change.

Infographic created on Canva by Amber, LPC

When you acknowledge there is a need for change, set aside time and space for yourself to further explore it through some reflection. Allow yourself to define the problem and why a change is needed in the first place. Here are some thoughtful questions to ask yourself : What am I doing now? Why isn’t that working? What result do I want from this, or what do I want instead? What haven’t I tried yet? What am I willing to experiment with to see if that makes the change I am seeking?

Then, start jotting down some of your ideas to find a solution to it. Develop a plan for the steps you need to take in beginning this change. Some efforts in creating change are not always sustainable. Be mindful in crafting these steps to be just that - a step, and not a leap!

So, say you took some time to think of your own solutions and maybe you’re still not sure which route will be best to take. These are times when you may want to utilize a trustworthy supporter to act as a soundboard. When considering who you may bring this problem and your ideas to, be sure to “set the table”. By this, I mean state some of the ground rules and boundaries you will need. Can this person hear you out about something and help be a guide for you? Are they capable of being a listening ear and collaborating on a solution? Can that person bring a new perspective that you are willing to hear out? Other “rules” you may want to set before speaking with someone as a soundboard is to make sure they know any new suggestions they may offer, also may not be taken. Remember that you are the author of your own story- and it is important that you make decisions based on what fits your goals. When we are choose-y with who we decide to consult with, we can feel secure in the support system we create.

Lastly, implement your plan! Take each step towards change one day at a time. If you have minor setbacks (which, let’s face it - you will), then you can evaluate again if the steps you created are realistic or effective. Be active in how you will choose to bounce back from the hiccup and begin again. And if anything, you can remember that sometimes starting change is as simple as putting on the darn socks!

Additional reminders…

Take time in solitude to define your problem, and think of what changes you want.

Change can be hard to start, but we can motivate ourselves to start at “day one”.

Be courageous in your autonomy- change is really only effective when you want it for yourself.

Asking for guidance is OK! Working as a team in your life can also provide perspectives you may have never considered.

Ultimitaley, you are the “decider” of the course of your life- invite it and strengthen that voice.

With peace and joy, Amber.